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The Lone Ranger (LONER)
Johnny Depp (JDEPP) has signed on to star, not as the title role, but rather, as the sidekick, Tonto. Everybody now, “I didn’t know he was Native American?”
Depp is actually part Cherokee, and plans to model his character after another musician, the Chief from the Village People.
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Pirates of the Caribbean 4 (PIRT4)
Johnny Depp will also return for a fourth turn as Captain Jack Sparrow, voice the Mad Hatter in Alice in Wonderland (ALCNW), and play all the characters in the live-action "It’s a Small World."
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Cars 2 (CARS2)
Disney has moved the release date up a year to 2011 for the Pixar sequel no one asked for. The Incredibles may have been more popular, but there are no real-life superheroes for product placement and merchandising.
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The Princess and the Frog (FROGP)
Oprah Winfrey has been cast to voice a role in Disney's return to 2D animated fairy tales, which is plagued with controversy over its perceived African-American stereotypes. End of controversy.
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Valkyrie (VALKR)
Tom Cruise’s (TCRUI) World War II film has a new trailer (now with war scenes!) and a new poster to remind you of Ocean’s Eleven (because plotting to kill Hitler is just like pulling off a heist!).
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Bedtime Stories (BEDTM)
Adam Sandler (ASAND) tells stories that magically come true in real life. Get your mind out of the gutter, Sandler fans, it’s a Walt Disney movie.
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W (BUSH)
An endless war in Iraq, Wall Street firms failing left and right, and you may ask yourself, ‘well, how did I get here?‘ This is how. Oliver Stone (OSTON) sheds light on the makings of an unlikely American President.
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Tintin (TINTN)
DreamWorks is divorcing Paramount (PARAX), MGM (MGMX) is dumping The Weinstein Co. You know it’s bad when Steven Spielberg (SSPIE) can’t even get Universal (UNIVX) to co-finance his CG animated adventure.
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Sherlock Holmes (SHOLM)
Jude Law (JLAW) will play Dr. Watson while Rachel McAdams (RMCAD) has been cast as the love interest. The famed Scotland Yard Detective was a habitual user of cocaine, which explains the casting of American Robert Downey Jr. (RDOWN).
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Notorious (NOBIG)
The real-life story of Christopher Wallace, aka The Notorious B.I.G., is coming to the big screening courtesy of producer and former Biggie associate Sean 'Puffy' Combs. I can already hear the West Coast artists crying 'East Coast bias!'
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